


The Courtship Rites of the Clearly Insane

by Lavavulture



Category: One Piece
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-15
Updated: 2012-11-15
Packaged: 2017-11-18 16:53:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/563274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lavavulture/pseuds/Lavavulture
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nami always thought the hardest part of trying to marry Luffy would be convincing her not to eat the entire wedding cake.  He forgot she was the youngest in a family of madmen.  Or how Namizou proved to Luffy's family that he was the best man for the job by showing up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Courtship Rites of the Clearly Insane

**I. The Big Brother**

“My little sister seems to like you.” Ace’s smile was as friendly as it had been since the Straw Hats had first met him in Nanohana but there was an edge in his polite tone that hadn't been there before. Nami had heard it too many times from too many protective parents and older siblings to mistake it now.

“She likes everybody,” Nami said defensively, crossing his arms against his chest.

Ace’s eyes narrowed slightly at that and he leaned forward.

“Namizou! I have some drinks for you and Mr. Ace!” Sanji shouted, twirling prettily towards the two men. Her pleated skirt swirled dangerously around her lean hips as she came to a stop. She held up a tray of drinks dramatically, fluttering her visible eye up at Ace as he took one.

“It’s my specialty,” Sanji said in that strange, breathy voice she used when she talked to men. Nami always felt like she might have more luck if she just talked in her normal, husky way but he didn't think it was his place to say anything.

“Thank you, Sanjiko,” Nami murmured distractedly, taking the drink and setting it down on the ship’s rail. Sanji wilted slightly, like a black and yellow flower.

"Thank you, Miss Sanji." Ace tilted his hat at her and smiled a crooked grin. Sanji blushed all the way down her long neck and spun away, stopping briefly to kick Zoro out of her way.

"You're very popular with ladies." Ace leaned casually against the railing. 

Nami rolled his eyes. "Sanjiko doesn't count. She's just my crewmate. And she's like that with every guy."

"Hmmmm." Ace rubbed his chin contemplatively. "What about Luffy?"

"Luffy's my captain," Nami said firmly, hoping that would the end of it. He was in no mood at this stage to try and explain whatever it was that he had with Luffy.

However given that the next thing that happened was Luffy throwing herself onto Nami's back and excitedly trying to get him to look at the giant fish she'd caught, Nami wasn't so sure Ace would buy his excuses.

Nami didn't blame him.

**II. The Other Big Brother**

Nami wondered how many other brothers Luffy had that would show up out of nowhere and demand to know his intentions.

"I don't want to be rude or anything," Sabo said, rubbing the back of his head almost sheepishly as he smiled down at Nami from where he had knocked him to the ground. "I just know Ace would want me to make sure our little sister was making the right choice, you see. I'm doing this in his memory."

Nami gasped for breath on the ground and also wondered if all of Luffy's relatives were crazy and stupidly strong. It seemed fairly likely. He also wondered if Luffy would cry for very long if he killed Robin for telling Sabo where he was. 

"After we're done with this, we can have some drinks and maybe you can tell me about the places you guys have been too." Sabo cracked his knuckles and chuckled self-consciously. "I'm writing a little adventure book. It's nothing much but I'd love to have you read it."

Nami nodded weakly, reaching for his Clima Tact, and wondered if he would ever see Luffy again. He was going to throw her into the ocean if he did.

"Oh, and I almost forgot," Sabo exclaimed, pausing in the midst of a swing towards Nami's face. "You should go and see Dragon. He's really a great guy. You'll love him."

**III. The Father**

Dragon hadn't said anything to him for the past hour. He had just stared at Nami from across the balcony. His scary, familiar eyes were focused on him like he'd just done something unspeakably rude.

Which he hadn't. For reasons that he really didn't understand except that he felt Bellemere would have approved he was actually trying to do things the right way and ask for Luffy's hand like a gentleman. He was the good guy in this.

"Do you want me to...take care of navigator boy for you?" Ivankov asked, fixing Nami with a look that was almost as intense as Dragon's death stare.

"No," Dragon said slowly. He sighed deeply. "I haven't been a father to Luffy. I can't speak as one for her. She can do whatever she wants like she always has."

Nami let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding and grinned sharply at Emperio. 

"I hear you can read the weather better than anyone else on these seas." Dragon paused again and his face turned dark and menacing. "You should know you won't see my storm coming if I ever hear anything I don't like."

"Right." Nami nodded, smile frozen. 

"Hmmmph!" Ivankov swished his cape in smug approval.

**IV. Shanks**

"You wanna marry Luffy?" Shanks smiled gently at Nami as he trembled in front of the legendary pirate.

Nami nodded slightly.

"You love her?"

"Yes," Nami squeaked out.

"Sounds good to me." Shanks shrugged and yelled over his shoulder, "Hey, Buggy, do you care if the Straw Hat navigator marries Luffy?"

"Why would I give a shit, you asshole? Luffy can burn in hell!" 

"Buggy's fine with it so I think that covers anybody here that might object. So you can go ahead and kiss the bride." Shanks stepped back and punched a Marine that had gotten too close to the front of his ship where the Straw Hats had assembled for the occasion.

Nami turned to Luffy, his hand still trembling so hard around hers that he was surprised she wasn't shaking from the force of it. Around them their friends and family were fighting off enemy pirates and determined Marines but despite the chaos all he could see in that moment was Luffy. 

Luffy grinned wildly and wrapped her thin, strong arms around his neck. Then she was kissing him and he forgot that he was nervous, that he had ever had doubts about this moment because she was clearly so sure and had always been and would always be.

His crazy, idiotic captain.

**V. The Grandfather**

Nami was still exhausted from their post-wedding celebrations when Luffy's grandfather busted through the wall of their hotel room and smacked Luffy over the head.

The subsequent explanations and revelations didn't do much ease his peace of mind.

"Are you going to make my granddaughter an honest woman and get married in a real court, pirate?" Garp shouted at Nami from a few feet away.

"I think that's between Luffy and me," Nami said bravely. Or at least he did in his head. In real life Luffy broke into the conversation before he could do anything but wrap a blanket around his waist.

"I don't want to be an honest woman, Old Man, I'm going to be the King of the Pirates!" Luffy looked faintly terrified, which was probably the scariest thing about Garp, but she stood up to him without hesitation.

"Ridiculous!" Garp glared fiercely down at Luffy and things were starting to feel so tense that Nami was considering scaling down the side of the building and running away.

"And Nami's going to be my Queen!" Luffy stretched her arm out and grabbed Nami's hand tightly. Nami smiled weakly.

Garp considered that for a horribly tense moment. Then he threw his head back and laughed. "I suppose I can't argue with that, you stubborn girl."

Then Garp was pulling Nami into an uncomfortably strong hug. "Welcome to the family, boy! Now when am I going to get great-grandbabies? I'm not getting any younger, you fools!"

Nami considered adding another Monkey to this mix and shuddered. Not any time soon, that's for sure.

"Chopper says in about five months," Luffy said casually, picking her ear. Her eyes widened and she grinned, pounding her hand with her fist. "That's what I was supposed to tell you, Nami! I forgot!"

Garp shouted in sheer joy before pausing to count his fingers, his face growing red with rage as he came to a realization. Nami fainted. It was for the best.


End file.
